he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
