I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
