Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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