I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
