I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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