So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
