the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
