Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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