you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
