Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
