there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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