I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
