A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
