where am i from again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
