girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
