I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
