I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
