Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
