Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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