did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The uberlube is also flammable
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
