You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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