Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize