What a fucking waste of an outfit
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's just like the Real World with babies
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
