i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize