Screwed.edu
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
