I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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