Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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