pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
