I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
