Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
