Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
