y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
