You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
