I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
