Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
