I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
