i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
false alarm. still invincible.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
