I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
