i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
