I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize