He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I came so hard my ears popped.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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