i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
