I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
