I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize