If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize