there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize