I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
