oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
