We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
