I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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