I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
