dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
