I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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