Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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