Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize