i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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