WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
