she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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