No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
