My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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